Growing In Self-Confidence : My Journey

I never intended to write such a post like this. A comment from a reader of a previous blog post inspired this. I am honoured that someone sees my writing as valuable that they would want me to share on other subjects within the umbrella of personal growth and self-development. Today’s blog is mainly about building self-confidence. I will be sharing things that I have done and still try to do from time to time to build my confidence and continue developing it. There are some factors where you don’t have to try to build self-confidence. Sometimes it gets forced out of you to fulfil an objective or survive a situation. Sometimes, it’s either sink or swim.

Below are the few ways you can build self-confidence.

Mind The Company You Keep

Successful people often say if you surround yourself, with five rich people, you’ll become the sixth. You’ve probably also heard of the birds of the same feather flock to together proverb. The same applies in this context. Growing up, I was a shy kid, and that lack of confidence followed me into my teens and early adult years. What’s funny is I realised that the kind of company I kept around me at the time was also similar in that aspect. So, we were all comfortable just being shy and being so reserved. As I got older people I kept, slowly began to change, a lot of it through no planning of my own. The company you keep will always influence you, whether you like it or not. When you have friends, who are confident in their own right, that energy will rub off on you. You’ll find yourself almost mimicking their vibe, which is not always a bad thing. You also have to realise that those friends that still hang with you see something of value within you. You have to see it in yourself. Even if you don’t, such people are likely to push outside of your zone and help you develop your confidence. That’s what happened to me from my late teens till now.

Go To Social Surroundings By Yourself

Before you scroll past this point or completely stop reading, read on and understand. I know it sounds weird and I am not recommending hitting a party or nightclub on your own and even if you did, what’s wrong with that? What I mean by social surroundings are events that are in line with your interests or hobbies. This was an exercise I did when I graduated university in summer 2017. Not many knew this, and this is probably the first time I’ve talked about it so openly. However, I would highly recommend going to events or social surroundings based on the things you like. I started with networking events as I didn’t know entirely what my interests were at the time. In such surroundings, although it can be intimidating, it forces you to connect with people to make the most of it. The fact that you paid money or made a trip there almost forces you to make it worth your while. It becomes easier when you realise that you’re in a place with people who like the same things you do. It is also a great way to make new friends. I started doing this for that exact purpose but also to challenge my social skills and abilities.

Find Your Style, Find Your Look & Execute

When you look good, you will automatically feel good. Especially if you know you look good before someone else realises. My first point of finding my confidence came from my style and dress sense. I had my way of dressing that was just suited for me. Of course, I took inspiration from various places, but I made it my own. I did not need anybody to tell me I looked good in whatever I wore. I automatically felt it. Even if I got it wrong in the eyes of others, it didn’t matter as long as I liked it. At the time, I was heavily into colours in my wardrobe. Red, yellow you, name it, I wore it. I enjoyed flirting with colours it made me feel good. It can be intimidating at first because you can feel eyes you. The easiest trick is to pretend you don’t notice them nonchalantly. Once you start doing that, you’ll feel confident within yourself. When you get approached or someone is talking to you, you’ll speak and conduct yourself with energy, a divine presence. You can also experiment with different hairstyles to find what works for you and on different occasions. 

Exercise and take care of your body

In 2014/15 the gym became my saving grace. I don’t know the superpower behind it entirely, but it works. If you’re someone who struggles with self-confidence, start hitting the gym or doing some sort of activity that aids in improving your physique and appearance. If you look good, you’ll feel good. Genetically I’m skinny but, when I did build a bit of meat around these bones, I felt like the man! I’d look in my mirror and be my own hype man before anyone would complement my gains. When you look and feel good, you would not need the comments of people to validate you.

Do Things That Scare You, Get Uncomfortable

Feel the fear and do it, anyway, said a very wise individual. Whether that would be finally asking out a girl you like or giving out a presentation in front of people, starting that business, starting that blog or YouTube channel, go for it. Do it afraid, do it awkwardly if need be. With repetition, you are likely to eventually find your rhythm with it and start growing in confidence with it. I’ve had many moments like this in life. Growing up in a Christian home church was a rule for Sundays, but it is also in those environments where I and other people, would’ve been challenged to do things afraid. My experience started with reciting scriptures in front of people in Sunday school. Eventually, that led to holding a mic to talk or give an opinion or explanation in front of people. At school, it would be getting a role for a play and being the lead character. In all those moments, I always started afraid. Even if you start with fear, go with it. The best feeling is realising that it wasn’t so bad. Afterwards, you pause for a minute and feel a sense of relief and pride within yourself.

Start Treating Yourself Better

Maybe this should’ve been the first point. But I believe that you should start by treating yourself better. Find the things you love and cherish it, find out who you are and your morals and grow to like who you are through them. Put yourself in better surroundings where possible. Find your self-respect, have your standards, and don’t let people make you compromise on them.

If you’re reading this, I hope it has given you some support and ideas on building your self-confidence. I understand that there are loads more other ways and methods. If you have other ideas, feel free to share in the comments below. I’d love to also learn from you. 

I understand that confidence is something that can be hard to overcome. Even I have some moments of fear, we all do. But we cannot always let fear keep us down. Fear cannot reign in your heart, mind, and spirit. Sometimes there’s no easy way to shake it you have to go through the mud. Let confidence be the light in that dark tunnel of fear.

Thanks for Reading

Sincerely Yours,


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12 thoughts on “Growing In Self-Confidence : My Journey

  1. Great write up and encouraging word Best wishes for 2021 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Tadra, appreciate the comment and well wishes. Same to you too


  2. Really good tips – your friends can make a massive difference. As a child I had a ‘friend’ who always belittled me. It took me getting to adulthood to start rebuilding my confidence.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks James, and absolutely friends are the greatest factor they can either contribute to or deter your growth. I’m sorry you had to go through that in your young days. That’s unfortunate. But I’m glad to came out on top of it regardless, shows inner strength

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. It was one of those things that I only realised happened by reflecting many years later.

        Have a great day!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Cant lie this blog was fire I love it I’m gonna keep on reading to remind myself of that speacial wisdom love it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for the support and the fact that you take value from this and read it. Appreciate it bro


  4. I love this blog. I’m like you skinny and when I work out I feel better. I just don’t like when people ask me why I’m at the gym because I’m small. This blog is amazing I love all the points that you made. I’m working on my on style now, I need to get out of my comfort zone which is sweats and tennis shoes lol. But I have been doing a lot better. Thanks for writing this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. This has made my entire week. Lool it’s nobody’s business why you’re in the gym, do your thing. I appreciate it so much that you think so. Lool try other styles in your own time only thing i will say is make sure you feel comfortable, you gotta wear the clothes not the other way around. That’s amazing to know you’re improving on that nonetheless. And no problem, I’m glad it helps ☺️☺️


  5. Where have you been Darren? Been looking for you. Are you okay?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, I’ve deactivated My Instagram because I’ve had a lot going on in my personal life. But I’m okay still surviving you? If anything email me on will be off socials possibly till April/May


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